how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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