there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
