You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
