I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
