You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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