i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize