Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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