you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
