Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
