She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
