Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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