I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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