Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
