My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
handjob tips. give me some.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
