I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
