At least make sure they are 18
Why
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
