Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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