I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
