How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
