Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
