i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
