what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
