I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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