my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you have to choose: penises or morals?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
