do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
splinters make it hard to masturbate
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
