whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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