i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
