after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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