You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
