I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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