Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
