Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
