i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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