I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
