great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
