I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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