Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
