A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
