Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
