I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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