Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The ass gains better be worth it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
