Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
they need to just BURY HIM!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
