please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
