if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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