Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
