Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
