The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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