haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
