Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
