Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
