What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
