Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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