So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
