Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
