Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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