Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just had sex on a roof
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
