boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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