I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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