So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
