take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
