so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
