Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
