I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He better not be in your backpack
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize