Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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