Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
