Heybabeimwearingurpanties
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
